What’s in a Name

May 9, 2025

Mind your ‘P’s: Patterns, Publishers, and Permission to Pivot

I have a pattern-seeking mind. Maybe this is why I like sudoku. There’s something soothing in letting my mind push invisible lines out from each of the numbers already given so I can see where these lines crisscross in each of the boxes of nine and start filling in the logical gaps. Starting with the easiest, most obvious gaps, and moving to the hardest. This is a logical way to work for many tasks because there’s a built-in satisfaction reward for completing the simpler tasks that will motivate us to keep going towards the harder tasks. Action begetting motivation for further action, so says one of my previous counsellors. I find sudokus soothing, though lately this activity has become soothing to the point of causing my eyelids to droop. Maybe I am hypnotizing myself with the invisible horizontal and vertical lines. I eventually give in to this urge to nap.

Not that I need much convincing as I love a good power nap. A chance to shut down and restart my overactive mind no doubt. Often more than once a day. The parents at my daughter’s school will see me snoozing in my car under the shade of the neighbourhood trees just before pickup time. My phone clock alarm set for six, ten, eleven, fifteen, sixteen, or twenty minutes. Just a quick reboot.

Lately I’ve been working slowly on publisher submissions for my Canada Council for the Arts grant-supported speculative memoir. Slowly as I like to be thorough in my research, skim or fully read through at least a few books from each of the publishers. Spend a lot of time on each of their websites. Really try to get a sense of if they are the right publisher for my project, and for me. If there’s a literary match to be had between us. This is a harder task than one would think because on the surface they may say they publish memoir, but… do they publish my type of memoir? Do I think they’d be a good company to work with? (Here I rely partly on information I’ve slowly gathered over the years from working in the industry, word of mouth from fellow writers, etc., this research really has been years in the making.) What does my gut tell me about this publisher?

Sometimes I have a gut feeling leaning one way or the other, and I can’t quite put into words what it is, maybe my unconscious seeing an anomaly in the pattern of the publisher’s identity. If I have any hesitation to submitting to a publisher, I will move them down in my Excel file to what I call the “grey zone,” which is literally highlighted in grey. A sort of frozen area I may or may not come back to later. In other words, I give myself permission to pivot on my decision to submit to each publisher. A lot of publishers I started with high up on my Excel list are now down in the grey zone. And that’s okay.

I think permission to pivot on anything in life is important. Because what works for us in one week or one phase of our lives may not work for us in the next week or phase. We are ever changing and evolving, whether we want to be or not. And it’s okay to go kicking and screaming Ross Geller style into the next phase. We don’t have to like where we are. We don’t have to be our best selves all the time. A reminder to myself as much as to you, readers (and thank you for this, current counsellor).

It’s also important to give ourselves permission to pivot so we can try to be flexible for opportunities that life will throw our way. Drop in our path like a tree downed in a storm. Opportunities we can’t possibly see coming, that is, until we can. My pattern-seeking mind will almost always find a rhyme or a reason for something after the fact. Will weave the happening into a narrative with web-like stickiness to other memories and thoughts from my past or present, synapses lighting up like trapped bugs. Other memories and thoughts of various plot points, characters, songs even. My pattern-seeking mind a connector of story. Which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to check out Malcolm Gladwell’s updated TIPPING POINT book. I’ll go request that from the Vancouver Island Regional Library website right now…

April 25, 2025

Fresh Starts 

Spring is a great time for fresh starts. I would really like a fresh start to my physical health, though I’ll have to wait a bit longer as I’m still in the throes of an acute sinus infection. This extends my latest period of illness—which included laryngitis, pink eye, and pneumonia—to six weeks so far. Beyond infuriating. And given all the plans I have had to cancel along the way, the worst being precious time with out-of-country family who were here for only a blink, beyond devastating.

Given all the very real stories I hear of illness in our community and around the world happening right now, even considering my underlying health issues, I know this is not just me. I know we have a bigger problem here. I will sing loudly as the canary in this coal mine (though first may take puffs from both my inhalers). This needs to be addressed. Politicians and scientists need to make this problem of the age of illness a priority. Or I fear we will all go down. Though I have said before I’m not a fan of getting political, just as I tend to dislike writing contests, sometimes there is a time and a place. This is the time. This is the place. Call this an opportunity for a world-wide fresh start in political focus. Maybe the scientists are already working on this behind the scenes? I sincerely hope so.

Back down to the micro. When my physical health went down last month, so too went my mental health. This has been hard. And I hate the expression, “I can do hard things.” About as much as I know other people hate the expression, “what doesn’t kill us ...” Maybe these expressions are related. As far as I’m concerned, both expressions can take a hike. Thankfully I have a good counsellor and a lot of great friends and family that have been helping me through. Still, I think it’s time for a mental health fresh start. So how do I get there?

This is a great question, and one I’ll be asking my counsellor about at our next appointment. For one, I need to figure out how to accept that I am a person living with chronic illness. This is different from my acute periods of illness, though of course one feeds into the other. I have heard my family doctor use the word “chronic” for me and my sinuses often, have even uttered the word myself. And yet, somehow, it hasn’t really sunk in until now. Like I’ve been fighting the label “chronic illness” alongside the inflammation in my facial cavities. But I must somehow accept that this shoe fits. Fits perfectly. Maybe I am the glass slipper. Fragile, beautiful, extremely breakable.

Accepting this about myself doesn’t mean that I stop advocating for myself. For better health advice (more canary, are my sinuses the coal mine?). For a referral to the new sinus specialist, since of course my previous one has just retired (probably right as I was having my second chest x-ray in the hospital). Advocating for oneself is a part of asking for help. And asking for help, as well as accepting help when offered (thanks again for the delicious chicken soup, friend), is a sign of strength.

I’m reminded, as I often am, of something one of my former yoga teachers said to me over a decade ago. I still hear this teacher’s voice whenever I’m lying in Savasana, and amazingly, this same teacher is now a different type of teacher for my daughter. But I digress. What this teacher said to me, as we were chatting over tea and working on wording for an advertorial, was, and I must paraphrase given the unreliability of memory: we are never too old, never too out of shape, never too sick, to start again. So, here’s to fresh starts. May they find you wherever you are at.

April 11, 2025

Credits

I finally got around to watching THE GOOD GIRL’S GUIDE TO MURDER on Netflix. First on my own, and then I rewatched with my husband because I knew the show would be right up his ally. In another life he would be a detective. Maybe a murder would happen in a beautiful mansion where I do the interior design and that is how we would meet, but I digress… In my first viewing of the show, I realized with a sense of Deja Vue that I had read the book by Holly Jackson. My skewed memory had been that I had taken out THE GOOD GIRL’S GUIDE TO MURDER, and then returned the book unread, but that was incorrect. More evidence that our memories can fail us, why we make such terrible witnesses. Because I did read that book; it’s the only way I could have known certain things just before I saw them happen in the show. The show was so well done, excellent cinematography and acting.

I admit I was a little extra excited to finally watch THE GOOD GIRL’S GUIDE TO MURDER because one of my stepsisters, the one who works in film, had worked a background roll in the production. I was thrilled to watch the credits, something I know a lot of people skip, and see her name. I won’t name her here in case she’d rather I didn’t, but she knows who she is. And it’s kind of fun to not name names when we’re talking about fictional murder. Side note: I love both my stepsisters and am grateful my mom married who she married. Shout out to the step fam and our big modern family! Wish we lived closer.

When I first worked in publishing over twenty years ago as a university co-op student, I was thrilled to have something, anything to do with marvelous, wonderful books. I was even more thrilled when I got to help with the design of maps in Illustrator, layouts in InDesign, photo adjustments in Photoshop, and then, the absolute best, to see my name on the copyright pages of the books I worked on. Amazing! I played a small part in the creation of these books, and I was proud. I was prouder still to work with another publisher after university and see my name on even more copyright and some acknowledgments pages. Call me a “book nerd” all you want, that’s a name I’ll own. Though I’m happy to share.

Watching for my stepsister’s name in THE GOOD GIRL’S GUIDE credits reminded me of those heady days seeing my name on the book copyright pages for the first time, when the books would come fresh from the printers. If more people watched film credits and read book copyright/acknowledgement pages then maybe they would have a bit better of an idea of just how many people are needed to make these works of art, of entertainment, of culture, happen. It takes a lot of people, more even than can be named. It doesn’t just take a community; it takes an entire ecosystem of interconnected communities.

So now I have requested the second book in THE GOOD GIRL’S GUIDE series from the Vancouver Island Regional Library, which I can’t wait to read. (I will eventually return all the other books I have out, librarians, cross my heart.) Hopefully I will remember having read the book GOOD GIRL, BAD BLOOD afterwards, but no promises. I will admit to being in the increasingly foggy stage of life. No shame. I’ve got a lot going on. And I can’t wait to watch the second season of the Netflix series when the new season launches. Credit to all the marvelous people in the film and book industries, thanks so much for the continual windows!

March 28, 2025

Windows

This is going to be another shortish (or maybe not?) post, as we’re at the tail end of my kids Spring Break and the only break I have had has been from my good health. And it’s not a break I wanted or needed. My counsellor will be getting an earful at our next appointment, provided I have my voice back by then.

My son accidently brought home a brutal cough-cold the week before Spring Break, one that has apparently been making its way through our valley community. Now I’m all for community but this is ridiculous. This cold also made its way through my daughter, keeping her home from nearly a full week of her Spring Break camps, and is now still working its way through me. Thus far this cough-cold (not Covid at least) has mutated in my already compromised respiratory system to include laryngitis, pink eye, and finally pneumonia.

Other than one trip to our local hospital’s emergency room and checking my family’s mailbox right outside our front door, I haven’t been out of the house in nearly two weeks. But then, the weather in our neck of the woods hasn’t been at all Spring like, unless we’re talking continual March showers for hopefully April flowers. In other words, I haven’t been missing much weather wise. A forced staycation is where I find myself. And not the peaceful kind of staycation like in HOW TO STAYCATION LIKE A SNAIL by Naseem Hrab and Kelly Collier. That kind of staycation I am hoping for this coming summer, and in the meantime will admire my family’s tiger mystery snail as he zooms around our fish tank. Though I haven’t been able to get out much, on the bright side, there are windows.

Our townhouse, though an inside unit, has tons of great windows. Our huge living room window looks right into the heart of a private property forest and riparian zone, where a little creek becomes a raging stream when it rains. Our back fence is a squirrel highway, we often hear and sometimes see owls with their enviable flexible necks, and occasionally we have deer walking through. Our hidden-treasure-style complex is in fact surrounded by trees, and I like to think of our neighbourhood as a sort of Hundred Acre Woods, though that could just be my rich imagination. We are lucky enough to have become friends with many of our neighbours, and we all help each other out in our little community for which I am grateful. Bald eagles and other birds of prey often fly above our complex, and despite the trees there’s a great deal of beautiful open sky. Our master bedroom window has the most advantageous view for making the most of our lovely sky. I enjoy pink and orange sunrise and sunset clouds while lying in bed.

Other windows that have saved me this Spring Break have been those into other worlds through shows, movies, and of course books. Books are what I want to focus on in this paragraph.  Any passionate reader knows, books can take us worlds away, offering us glimpses into many windows, and even some doors. In times like these, I really appreciate the power of books and everyone along the book ecosystem chain who has made these books a reality and ultimately put them in my hands. Books I have enjoyed / am enjoying this forced staycation include SUPERFAN by Jen Sookfong Lee, PEACEKEEPER’S DAUGHTER by Tanya Bellehumeur-Allatt, and SOMETHING BORROWED by Emily Giffin. Another day I will elaborate on my gratitude but for now I simply want to say, thank you. In the Interior Design of my life, I hope for many more windows.

March 14, 2025

Interior Design

In my next life I will be an Interior Designer. Haven’t got the time, energy, or money for it in this lifetime. In this life I will have to be satisfied with moving around furniture, watching renovation shows, and playing with my daughter’s very large blank-slate style dollhouse. To be a proper professional Interior Designer I would want to do the full four-year degree (and more if there’s more) and really commit myself to it. Start when I’m much younger and before having kids. I.e. when I have the fresh-faced energy and the unlimited time. I could even travel for my design work, relocate at the drop of a hat. The possibilities would be endless.

In this life I’ve got my hands full with parenting and writing. On the writing front, I think I’ve waxed on enough in previous posts about how hard I’m working to break in with multiple manuscripts in various stages of re-write, submissions to agents and publishers, etc. All of which involves a lot of reading and research and updating of my Excel file. I think our local librarians must wonder about me with the sheer volume of books I request. My husband often comes home from Monday night chess club weighted down with bags of my holds. And while I do read through a lot of the books I borrow, some of them I am admittedly just skimming through for information in the acknowledgement and copyright pages. Hot tip: authors generally thank their agents and editors by name.

On the parenting front, I’ve got two kids at very different stages and am parenting in the age of constant illness. Ick and exhausting. But shout out to my great co-parenting team for all your help with the soon-to-be-driving (eek!) teenager! If you read through the information on the resources page of my website, you may notice something extra I deal with in my parenting with my youngest. It’s most clear in my AutismBC blog guest post, which I’ll put another link to here: My Meets. My Lifeline.

With my youngest I have the added parenting challenge/gift of being in the autism-parenting world. This parenting extra adds to my time and my energy load. Managing funding, therapies, ensuring my daughter has what she needs, co-regulating when she has meltdowns, reminding team members to reduce questions and help with transitions, and ultimately advocating, advocating, advocating. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have fallen down the rabbit hole into this fascinating new-to-me world of neurodiversity. There’s a lot of joy and beauty here — parents of those newly diagnosed, I know it’s exhausting but you are doing great, and your kids are amazing just the way they are!

And in this fascinating world of neurodiversity that has been all around me this whole time (who knew?!), I find myself feeling very welcome. My hypersensitivities and need for down time are fully understood here. Being in the autism-parenting world where I am constantly learning and adapting as I pivot around my ever-evolving and super smart daughter has in turn made me a better writer. One might wonder how it could not. But I am the one who rose to the challenge to make this work for me. I have found ways to combine my parenting and writing jobs to make for a better whole. I’m not saying I’ve got the balance exactly right; this is a work in progress, but I am doing amazing work right now. The possibilities that I am creating are endless.

P.S. Related to the above, check out GOOD MOM ON PAPER: WRITERS ON CREATIVITY AND MOTHERHOOD edited by Stacey May Fowles and Jen Sookfong Lee.

February 28, 2025

Jealousy

A shortish post this time as I’m knee deep in draft 5 (?) of my speculative memoir and part way through yet another grant application, and Spring break is fast approaching (eek!), but at least that means Spring is on the way? What I want to talk about here is the green bug that bit me hard last week—the green bug called “jealousy”. Now look, I think my writer friends, a.k.a. my colleagues, and those who I’ve worked with on the publishing and book manufacturing side of things over the years would agree that I am an actively supportive member of the book ecosystem. A good literary citizen.

I share about books on social media. I initiated and now manage the little library in my neighbourhood, including passing books along to other neighbourhood libraries (let’s keep those books cycling!). I recommend books to family and friends. I am a frequent library user, and I support independent and other bookstores. My mom, dad, sister and I pass books back and forth. I spoke to one of my son’s classes a few years ago about all the wonderful parts of the book ecosystem (writers, editors, publishers, agents, printers, distributors, sales reps, bookstores, libraries, teachers, parents, readers, and so on). I support my writer friends. I’ve even started reviewing books on Goodreads.

So, it took me by surprise last week when I picked up a copy of one of my book-related magazines (yes, I read magazines too, sometimes even a newspaper), flipped to the first article, and couldn’t read it. The article was an interview of an author with several books out and instead of feeling interested and happy for this author who, while I don’t know personally, I’m sure has worked very hard to get where they are (and the books of theirs that I have read are very good), I felt a blinding jealousy. I had to close the magazine. Put it away on my magazines shelf. Will I ever read that article? I don’t know. Probably not a good idea right now. But you know what? That’s okay.

I think we writers still trying to break in need to be kinder to ourselves. This is a tough business. A tough business full of rejection and ghosting (kudos to the publishers and agents who at least have a basic rejection letter to push send on, it doesn’t take a lot of effort on your end, and it’s much appreciated on our end) and a lot of work for no money. This is the ugly truth. And it’s okay to have hard feelings about this. My plan? To find ways to be kinder to myself over the next while. Fifteen plus years and I’m still going. I’m in this for the long haul.

February 14, 2025

 Commitment

This post was a struggle to write. I almost gave up altogether. But I made a commitment to myself. To write a blog post once every two weeks for as long as I possibly can. I didn’t specify an end date when I committed to this because I know from experience that we can’t and don’t know what is going to happen in the future. No matter what the tea leaf reader tells you. Throw out what you think you know. Stay open.

Our household is in the midst of yet another cold in this never ending cold and flu season. Is it just me or are the cold and flu seasons getting worse? Maybe it would be more accurate to call them cold and flu years. I remember being sick a lot as a child, but I’m pretty sure my parents were still functional. Maybe my memory is skewed but this state of frequent illness feels exacerbated. There are moments in most days I find it hard to function. At least my husband seems to only catch one out of every twenty colds brought in to our household. Someone has to pick up the groceries, and he’s committed. I thank you, Jason, for that and so much more. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Why did I start this blog and commit to every other week? In brainstorming ways to build up a more solid body of “work” while I wait for my manuscripts to be picked up, I thought about how much I dislike writing contests, how I only have so much energy/patience for social media, and how starting a newsletter at this point seems silly (“hey family and friends, may I bombard you with more pomposity?”). What was left? The occasional magazine pitch, for sure, I can and do write these. At least these don’t have entry fees and who knows, maybe one day I’ll have my travel costs covered to write about walking holidays (the UK and Ireland please), get to write about some amazing interior design (did you know there’s interior design geared towards neurodiversity? I will be looking more into this) and have a semi-regular byline for social-emotional learning stories for kids. But until that day I have… my website. I have complete control of this space so far, and web surfers, including family and friends (thanks guys!) can ride these waves or move on to the next. Completely your choice to be here and keep reading. Are you still reading? And every other week is better frequency than once a month and more doable than every week, a happy medium.

Speaking of writing stories for kids, for the past fifteen plus years I’ve been writing, rewriting, and submitting children’s manuscripts. Hence my memberships with CANSCAIP and the Canadian Children’s Book Centre, and why I’ve participated in some fun Picture Book Power Hours (shout out to friend Kamilla Milligan for introducing me to these). Mostly picture books, but also a couple board books, and I now have eleven different children’s manuscripts banked (with more coming soon). The first manuscript I wrote is now halfway through being rewritten into a chapter book. Two others had revise and resubmit requests from different publishers that, while exciting, ultimately led nowhere. Thanks to my beta readers for the feedback though, because these two manuscripts may be parked but they are not dead.

On the writing for grownups side, there’s my speculative memoir SPINNING STRAW out on query to agents. Thanks again to Canada Council for the Arts for the grant to write the first draft. Draft five (really draft seven?? I had a couple of in between drafts I named “b”) will be underway shortly and then submissions direct to publishers will be heading out the mostly digital door. I am excited for this next step, ready to move on. An agent can always pick me up later. That door stays open.

Aside from my memoir, I have draft one of a fiction tucked away in a drawer. Working title JUNE, this is a somewhat thin and chaotically awful first draft from the super fun Federation of BC Writers writing challenge that I did last November. For the challenge I had pulled out some extremely old notes from about twenty years ago for what I thought was going to be a romance. Turns out the narrative for JUNE is more about the life ambitions of the protagonist and her deep non-romantic relationship with her best friend than about her colourful dating history. I appreciate this joke on me. I plan to pull JUNE back out of the drawer this summer for the writing of draft two, unless of course I get distracted by a higher priority project.

Speaking of June’s best friend, I discovered she needed a story of her own. This is not a sequel. Unlike June, who’s single and not yet blessed/encumbered with children, the best friend is married and very much a mom, and, importantly, an unrequited artist. This new fiction has been thoroughly outlined with 66 note cards blue tacked to my large white board that I use for plotting/brainstorming/world-building, and a lot of notes in a word document. I have started the first draft and plan to pivot this into a writing sample for another grant application. To date, I have had one successful grant application, two unsuccessful grant applications, and a halfway-written grant application tossed aside last October when my writing mojo temporarily crashed. So why not, what do I have to lose? The worst I’m going to get is another “no,” and those haven’t stopped me so far. I have tenacity. I have commitment. I Am. A Writer.

January 31, 2025

Why “Speculative” Memoir?

When I was first outlining my SPINNING STRAW project and working on the related Canada Council for the Arts Grant application, one of the questions on the application was about what art forms or genre(s) are most relevant to the application. I realized what I wanted to write wasn’t a straightforward memoir, but a sub-genre within the memoir area of Literary/Creative Nonfiction. I.e. a name within a name within a name.

(Side note: if you don’t already know the difference between memoir and autobiography, please look it up, it could change your life story. ;)

What I really wanted to do with SPINNING STRAW was weave in a retelling of a specific European fairytale (I think you can guess which one) as an extended metaphor. My mind and imagination wanted a lot of room to play. What I didn’t know was if there was a specific name for a fairytale memoir mashup, so I took to the Google.

I came across a lot of great articles, but the one that really struck a chord with me was this one by author Laraine Herring on Brevity Blog – Speculative Memoir Made Me Real.

Finding other writers, published authors especially, who were genre blending like I was attempting to do felt legitimizing. I felt real. Fast forward a year to me getting the Canada Council for the Arts grant and I felt very real. A real Writer writing a real Manuscript, a real future Book.

The Fall after I was awarded the grant, I took a Creative Non-Fiction course through SFU’s Continuing Studies. I wanted to learn more about Creative Nonfiction, I thought maybe some education would help me to feel a little less stumbly as I felt my way along the writing process. My teacher was the amazing Christina Myers and taking this course helped me in so many ways.

I learned that not only was I indeed writing a Speculative Memoir, but I was writing a Braided Speculative Memoir. How’s that for a mouthful? And the strands that I was braiding or plaiting, or just plain weaving together? My unique retelling of the fairytale, my original journal entries, and a narrative voice that is all mine.

January 17, 2025

Why “Doris”?

I’ve had three different last names so far in my lifetime. My last name at birth, i.e. my “maiden” name, originated from my father. My second last name from my first husband. And my third last name from my second/current husband. Do you see the pattern here? Doris is my middle name, given to me by my mother after her favourite aunt. My Great Aunt Doris never married and worked as a sort of au pair and in a government office.

My first name combined with my original last name was the pseudonym of an author in the early to mid 1900s who wrote several books. And, thus, this name combination is very much already taken. Plus, two last names ago feels like a long time ago; this is not who I am anymore, though she will always be a part of me.

My first name combined with my second last name, though a very cool sounding combined name ending with the same letter as it starts with, is problematic as well. Though that ex and I are awesome co-parents, and I’d like to think friends, the use of that name as an author name feels still too political. I am not a fan of politics. I like to keep things simple.

My first name combined with my third/current last name is again taken as the pseudonym of an author, this author living in our current timeline and looks to be writing science-fiction. So, again, a name combination that is taken.

I thought about the three-name combination, but for now I feel that’s too much for me to live up to. I thought about initials, but the truth is I don’t like them in author names, they are hard for me to remember and feel like an extra punctuation mark.

I also did a lot of soul searching and agonizing over the responsibility of writing nonfiction involving my children when I want them to have some sort of privacy growing up in a world that doesn’t offer a lot of privacy. It’s a tricky balance, and I’m not sure I’ve got it right.

But for now, for my writer and future author name, I’m Katherine Doris.